Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
