My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
