i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize