I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
