Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
