A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
