remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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