So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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