That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
i think i have two assholes
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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