i was born a porn star she said
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
