I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
