The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
