They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
