We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
bring money and cleavage
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
