Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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