Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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