My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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