Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
