We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
