i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
this boner is exhausting
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
