no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
