So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize