college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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