Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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