Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Randomize
