So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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