Girls should come with a carfax report
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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