I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
