Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
