I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
