I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
