Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
