dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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