I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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