So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
it's like iHOP with fire
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Holy shit dude........stairs
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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