i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
