You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
