There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize