nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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