Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
