Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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