Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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