my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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