I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
