i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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