That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
