it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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