she woke up with a sticky ear
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
