thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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