Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
