I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
