Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I need to align my fucking chakras
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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