Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Randomize
