When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You ruined the universe
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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