I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
