did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
