It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
