Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
