After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
