and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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