mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize