We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
