her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
