If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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