Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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