there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
