You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
He kissed a someone with a penis
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
