Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
