so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
