If i come over, it means nothing
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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