Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
