ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
