i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize