I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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