3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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