susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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